NeverGiveUp_Boy's Blog

I don’t usually revisit this blog, but here I am again. I feel lonely again, not the type of lonely that I need to be with someone, but like the type that I feel like I don’t really belong with anyone, or anywhere.

The only time I feel belong, apart from my family, is when I’m with my 2 best friends from uni, Tu and Quyen. Otherwise, I feel totally lost in this world full of people. I have no gay friends, no one at all. At least no one closed enough for me to hang out anymore. And I do not feel the need to hang out with them anymore. I am so comfortable being alone that the idea of relationship is kind of scare me now.

I will start learning the cello soon, adding another task to my daily and weekly schedule, to try to keep myself busy. Learning a string instrument is another thing that is at the back of my head but I don’t pick it up until now. The reason I learning so much is because this is my nature. I constantly want to be productive and learn new things. It makes me happy and content.

In the past, whenever I listen to music, especially when there is violin or string music playing, I always imagine myself can play the violin. However, as I grow older, I can’t stand the sound of the violin for too long. It is too squeaky and high for my ears. I prefer the mellow sound of the cello better. At the same time, I take up this third instrument because I want to challenge myself as I never play something without frets before. Harp and piano has the notes laid out for me, while the cello is a spectrum of 4 strings and it is a mysterious world that I want to explore.

I am lucky enough to have my colleague at work lending me her dad’s old cello and I have taken it to a cello shop for a tune up before my first lesson this weekend. I am super excited to venture into this uncharted territory and see if I can figure the notes out myself.

I hope that when I am older (if I ever last that long) that I look back, I will be happy with what I have done in my youth right now to not waste my youth and keep learning new things.

I discover Laufey lately and her voice is so soothing for me. I love listening to her or cello solo music at night. It is a nice feeling to sit in a darkened room with my cosy lamps and do my assignments while listening to soothing music. Music is my therapy. I feel extremely happy when I can play a new piece.

That’s it for now. Will see if I need to revisit this blog again soon. Will update on my cello and harp progress. Hopefully by the end of the year I will have a pedal harp in my room 🙂

Yep! Another post about pedal harp, a bit obsessive I know! But it’s a good obsession so who cares! 🙂

I have been slowly putting money aside for my pedal harps and my future house. I have 2 saving bank accounts, one for each of these goals.

When the money comes into my bank account, I immediately slash it in half. One half I use to pay bill and daily spendings. The other half I divide 1/3 to harp and 2/3 to house.

The other thing that I have been doing is try my best not to spend on food or shopping. Only spend when I really need something or if the thing I want is special. I minimise going out and look at clothes to minimise tempting. I try my best to go through my 2 weeks until the next pay day without having to transfer any money out from the saving accounts.

I have been going well so hopefully it will continue like this 🙂

I started learning the harp not long ago, February 2021 to be exact. And I feel extremely lucky to be trusted by my friend and her sister to play a bit during their ceremony. As a new musician, I was very nervous about the whole experience but anything got to have its first time and the experience is there to learn from and to remember.

Here are a few things I learn from yesterday’s gig:

1. Use a harp trolley/ Trolley with good straps and wheels always
   • It is nerve wracking enough to carry a 7-10kg lever harp a short distance in the house, let alone the whole garden. I was lucky as I learned this from harpists online and already bought a trolley and 2 straps. I end up wheeling the harp from the car park across the garden to the ceremony park and still sweat like a pig. Now I understand why harpists really charge for their service because all the music performances aside, transporting their harps is a huge job doing alone! I was lucky to have my friends helping me out carrying the music stand and the bench and it still feels so heavy. I am really looking forward to wheeling my future pedal harp (around 38kg) now! 😂
2. Bring a jacket – if you’re in Melbourne 😂
   • Melbourne’s weather is notorious for being moody. I did bring a jacket but left it in the car because I thought with all the sweat and the noon’s warm sunlight, I should be ok. However, once the wind blows up bit, my hand is totally frozen, which results in my playing is not up to standard. I feel quite let down by this part as I should have foreseen it. Lesson learned, always bring a warm jacket with me next time.
3. Practice more
   • Practice, practice and practice! It is because performing for video at home or for family is a totally different from performing at an event. There are so many distractions and noises at events that can distract your mind. I need to practice more and more until it’s a natural to just put my hand on the string and play. If you are not used to just play naturally, the distractions around will cause your musical flow to be blocked and you will not know what to do next.
   • Another small point is always prepare a few more pieces in advanced in case you have to play extra time.
4. Write down the arrangements is a good thing, even just a few first bars
   • Music notation is not my strength, actually I can’t do it at all. I will just doodle out some random notes that might make sense to me but totally wrong for a proper musician to look at. Laugh at me if you want, but I never have formal music theory training so this is the best I can do for play by ear songs that I arranged. It’s essential so I don’t forget how to start a piece that I arranged.
   • Always arranged simple piece then you can add on bits and pieces later.
5. Finally don’t worry too much
   • It sounds bad to say this but 1-2 mistakes will not matter as people have other things to worry about and they won’t really listen especially if you just play background music.
   • However, be accurate on the main piece and always make sure your hands are warm so you can start plucking the strings.
   • don’t worry too much! Just enjoy the experience. I now know that playing in front of people is not as scary as it sounds. You just need to zone in and enjoy the playing. You will learn to do this eventually, just submerge in the music and don’t worry about people around you. This way you more likely to be able to stay calm and produce quality sound and music.

Those are the points I think I learn from my first gig. I hope there will be more to come. I have one more coming in a month time so I need to start practising now.

I had a great time at Les Mills LIVE Melbourne 2022. That is all I have to say!

I catch up with several friends, some of them I haven’t seen for a long time, even years. Sometimes I wish life doesn’t have to change all time and we can just stay together in one city, one country and be friends forever.

Being friends with some of these guys make me feel cosy and happy inside, even though I don’t say it that much. Being in a foreign country, sometimes you feel isolated. It doesn’t matter how long you stay there, and especially for a loner like me, I have come to the conclusion that loneliness will always creeps under the surface of my smile and come up through cracks any time. However, the sight of these guys lift up my mood and make me feel familiar and comfortable. I will always treasure memories like these, which is hard to come by nowadays.

Every time a good day ends, I feel sad and nostalgic. It is part of being a super empathic person, you feel deeper and always sadder than anyone else feel. You wish the good times last forever, knowing for sure they always pass quickly.

I want to write this quick blog as a thank you to everyone today that has made me feel this way, and as a mark in my life, since I have had this web page forever, then better keep adding memories to it.

Thank you and until next time.