NeverGiveUp_Boy's Blog


Today is a tough day after work. I drove a long way from work to the city to another work site to drop them off some scripts and I was exhausted.

I go home, fatigued and sleepy. However, after taking a shower, I do feel a bit better and then I have a nice idea.

I spray on some cologne, put on the most comfortable clothes I can find, hair-dried my hair so it is shaped nicely, put on my casual pair of glasses, my puffy warm coat and my worn-out scarf. I stepped out. I’m on a date with myself!

I drove pass this place called Momo Magic Cafe in Footscray a few time, but always curious. It is a Nepalese restaurant. A small, average place, not too many people. To be honest, I like quiet place so I can think and reflect on myself and my day.

I decided to give this place a try since I know about momo (मम in Nepalese) – a very popular type of dumplings and one of their fast food. There was even a momo festival in Melbourne a few month ago. However, I did not go because I know food at festival would be expensive, and you would line up for ages for a few pieces, which is not my ideal way of enjoying food.

I am writing this blog as I eat so I can pour out my thoughts and feelings in the most fresh way.

On my way to the restaurant, I notice something different in my mind. Usually, I am a lonely person, whenever I go out for dinner alone, I would feel very lonely. Nonetheless, this time, no matter how hard I dig inside my soul, I cannot find that feeling. I even smiled and feel happy. I suddenly feel so good about having time for myself and enjoying the new cuisine.

Ah, here comes the first dish: Nawari set and Alu tama (a type of curry from Nepal), also the momo came:


Very yummy I must say. Their rice is quite unique, it’s crispy like flakes. The set includes different types of beans that have been fried, some vegetables, a pancake, and an egg.

I suddenly feel so happy as I eat. I can’t feel the loneliness anywhere anymore! Suddenly I feel something that I never felt it this strong before: everything I need I already have! I have clothes and food to survive, a home to come back. I can go out once in a while and enjoy myself. Why the hell do I have to feel lonely?

I have decided my life is to help others, that is why I am trying to get into medicine, then I should not feel sad. I am striving towards that goal WHILE achieving other goals: languages, fitness, painting, cooking… there are so many things I can do that I should feel good about myself. I am having food that someone in Africa probably dreaming about. It is not luxury food, but it will get you through the days. I am suddenly overwhelmed by the gracefulness for life. Thank you for making me the person I am today, thanks for providing me enough and make me a better person. Thanks for showing me the worse so I know how lucky I am. And thanks for making me realise these things.

I know from this moment on, I won’t feel lonely a bit anymore. I hope to stay like this forever. I like my single life. It is great! Because I can do whatever I want. That person will come, but until then I would enjoy life my way by helping people in every ways I can, even it means just a hug or put a smile on their face!

The momo is really good! I had fried momo, it is very similar to Chinese dumplings but it is very crispy and different flavour. The alu tama has bamboo shoot in it, and the flavour is unique since it is a curry with a sour flavour.

It is not a meal with a wow factor, but I think it is exceptionally delicious since it is a meal that awaken me. I suddenly feel so warm inside. I feel very happy now!

I will continue to live strongly and help as many people as I can.

Oh ans I definitely recommend momo! The dumplings from the land of the Himalayas!

I love momo!

Advertisements

IMG_0059.JPG

こんにちは みんなさん!これは 第一(だいいち)の日本語のブログ

まず、私の日本語は あまりよくありませんから、私の日本語の間違い (まちがい)を許して (ゆるして)ください!しかも、ひらがなは 私の漢字 (かんじ)の勉強する(べんきょうする)です。(私は ふりがなを しらない!)

これは 短い(みじかい)ブログです。

私は 日本語のブログがよいと 思います(おもいます)。それから、私は 日本語を思い出す(おもいだす)ことが できます。私は 日本語を 忘れたくないです (わすれたくないです)。

毎週(まいしゅう)、私は ちょっと 日本語の復習 (ふくしゅう)をします。日本語で 書く(かく)ことが でくますから、私は とても 幸せ(しあわせ)です!

日本語は 私を 幸せに します!

人たちは 日本語の勉強が オストラリアで 有用じゃない(ゆうようじゃない)と 言います(いいます) けれども、日本語の勉強を 続けます(つづけます)。

あ〜!私は 私の日本語の夢で ずっと 寝たいです。。。(ねたいです)^ー^

(金曜日 2017年6月23日)

*Translation:

Hello everyone! This is my first Japanese blog!

First, because my Japanese is not very good, please forgive my Japanese mistakes! Moreover, the hiragana is for my Kanji study (I don’t know how to use Furigana*)

This will be a short blog!

I think Japanese blog is good. Then, I can remember Japanese. I don’t want to forget Japanese!

Every week, I do Japanese revision a little bit. Because I can still write in Japanese, I am very happy!

Japanese makes me happy!

Although everyone says study Japanese in Australia is not useful, I want to continue Japanese study.

Ah~! I want to sleep in my Japanese dream forever…

(Friday 23/06/2017)

 

 

 

 

19060110_934800649994231_8209492070660788515_n

I decided to pay a visit to my blog to write out once again my thoughts, since all of these have been stuck inside my head for a while. I think writing them out would take off the burden inside my mind. To be honest, it is not really a burden, but sometimes you just have these thoughts that you need to share them out, otherwise it is like pins and needles inside your hearts.

All of us at least once, have thoughts about the past romances that we have been through, especially the ones which have a big impact in our life or had hurt us the most.

I had 3

2 big failed, wrong loves in my life so far. The first one was a peaceful and quiet one. The rest, well they are just crushes throughout.

Have you ever wondered what have happened if these romances turn out right? Even though they have broken into thousand pieces, sometimes it is hard to ignore them. You revisit the memories in your mind, then still feel again all the sweet and bitter of the time once you were in love. I listened to a love song, and there’s a phrase that translated to something like “sweet lies” which I now realised it is very true. It is like a bitter tablet that will make you frown, but then was coated with sugar, a thick layer of artificial sugar to make you addict. Once the sugar coat is gone, the bitter comes, but you keep going because you cannot forget the delicious taste of sugar, and keep denying, keep lying to yourself that maybe there is a sugar filling under that bitter.

But the sugar filling never came

Then you just gave up at some point and realise it is not how it looks

That’s probably why they call it “bittersweet”

Every time I listen to a love song, I imagine those images of couples, just like on TV, smiling, laughing, cuddling, touching each other noses, stealing a kiss, gleaming into each other’s eyes, while walking under the glamorous sunshine, through the field filled with colourful flowers. And I imagine these scenes in slow motions, you know like those background videos you see when you sing karaoke. Then, I think about all the romances I have had. None of them were like that. They were all sneaky and lies. One guy was a cheater to his wife and one was never came out of the closet and was living a shameful gay life alone, sleeping with one guy to another in fear everyday.

Why did I fall for these people? Sometimes taking times to reflecting on yourself, you see the naive and ridiculous side of your mind, where you are attracted to all the wrong ideas! People love the thrill and the forbidden. Straight and lovely roads were never attractive. There got to be rebel, cheating, lies and wildness to spice up the romance. I wonder why…

But then…

Because I fell so hard for these guys, maybe because they are matured and have all the things they have (materialistically – is that even a word? I hope it makes sense!). One has a family and 2 kids, nice cars, nice houses, but rotten inside, and I was hoping to help and change him. He never changed. One was never came out as gay, hiding away all his life and secretly meeting guys. He never changed. But I realise that once you are in love, you lose common senses, you think with ‘the power of love’ you can fix it all without realising how weak you are and how stupid you have become. People never change and never will. You keep imagine, what if things have turned out right? What if you have met him earlier? What if you were born earlier, so you are the same age at him, maybe you could have helped him to realise he was gay before he got married to a woman?

But everything happens for a reason right? These people probably come into your life to help you realising the wrong side of romance, and help you to choose the right way. It mays hurt your for life, even smelling the same perfume he use to wear hurt me bad now. However, I have learned to toughen up. I have been scared inside for life, but I know that happened for a reason. Physical scars don’t hurt, but mental ones do, the same way, no matters how long it has been. But hey it is good, so that every time I revisit my mental scars, I know exactly how it hurts and who to avoid falling for again.

Listening again, to a soft ballad love song, and I once again imagine, what if I those romances have turned out right? what would have happened if we were laughing and walking under the sunlight like in the movies? Well, that is forever going to be my imagination, but still, it stirs up a sad feeling, a helpless and hopeless feeling. Maybe in another life, another world, we would have been like that? Maybe in the past life? or the life after?

Then all I can tell myself is be strong and walk on. Move on. I have already did. But sometimes, you have to tell yourself again. Move on! One day, you will again revisit these hurtful memories, but they won’t hurt as bad anymore, it is because you will have the right one standing next to you and you have realised how right it feels with him that you would just forget the past probably forever. And whenever you feel the hurt, he would have sooth you already.

I believe so. So I continue to walk, loving myself, and loving life.

Just a thought for you… 🙂

I decided to turn one of my facebook status into a real blog. Because right now sitting at my desk at the end of yet another Easter holidays, there are many thoughts that I want to express and write it out so my heart feels less heavy.

An afternoon before Easter.
-How are you feeling?
-ohh… I don’t know… I feel a bit better… – she said in a hoarse voice
-Do you still see double vision?
-er… I don’t feel like I have any vision at all – she replied, holding my hand as I kneeled down next to her bed. She had a fall last night. She was deteriorating, but kind of getting better…
-You’ll be fine, you looks better already.
-where are you going now…?
-Oh I’m going home now…
-Oh no… what am I gonna do without you…?
-Awww you will be fine. You’re doing very well
-When are you back?
-I’ll be back here Tuesday, in 4 days…
-Maybe I’ll be dead by then… – she said stil squeezing my hand. I can see at the inner of her elbow, dried blood stains, from where the blood was taken this afternoon. The bandaid hanging loosely from the skin, just like her life at the moment…
-Please don’t say that, you will be fine.
-No… but at my age… you know… you would expect that…
-Oh Mrs.J, don’t say things like that. You’re doing very well, I will see you Tuesday. You have a great Easter ok….
-Well, YOU have a good Easter yourself! Bye bye…

I left the room, now I don’t know if I’m gonna see her Tuesday or not. I have seen a few deaths since I been here. But especially her, she reminded me suddenly of my grandma. I realise I just have tears in my eyes as I realise there is nothing I can do. This is what makes me want to help people more… please let me get in what I want this time so I can help them. I keep praying.

I do hope that tomorrow when I am back to work I will be able to still see her at the hospital. I sometimes feel helpless towards patients as I am not a doctor and I can’t really do much while the real doctor is too busy with so many patients and don’t have enough time to spend and see each of them properly. I have promised to myself that if Life ever gives me a chance to become a doctor, I will and definitely will go to unfortunate countries to help them. I’d rather do something big and great in this life than waste it.

I have a discussion with a friend over the weekend and apparently I conclude that I am an ignorant. I tend to ignore what makes me frustrated and I could not do anything about it. I ignore because I cannot do anything to change it or I cannot have it my way. It just helps! I might be a closed minded person but hey at least I am happy and does not hurt anyone. I feel like I am slowly going through a massive change in my personality and way of thinking. I tend to lessen exposing myself to the world and just quietly do what I think is right. I don’t think expressing my opinion (unless being asked) is important anymore. People can think whatever they want and i will continue to do what I think is right, because it will always be the right way for me. I follow the compass of my heart and not what people told me to.

People asked me why do I learn so many languages. What for? Well, I don’t know, I just think it is the right think to do in my heart. And it is what I love to do, so I do it! And it’s not like it’s hurting anyone? I just do what I love! My mind cannot stop learning new things. I find that if I slow down, time will go wasted. Who knows I might die tomorrow? And never have a chance to learn anything else. Life is an uncertain mess and I have learned to deal with it with my own way: NEVER WAIT!

I just feel like we are living in a world of self-obsessed society, where body and sexual images are praised, while brains and intellectuals are neglected and ignored. Inner beauty no longer is the priority but six-packs and big booties. The morals are going down and all these things even want to make me striking stronger for my knowledges. This is why I ignore them and step on on my own paths. I want to do more to the world that just being an ordinary person who save money, buy house and enjoy the emptiness of luxury life. Seeing the smile of an unfortunate African kid makes my heart melt, or when people doing kind acts brings tears to my eyes. Those are the leftovers of a place where this world really should going to! This is why I choose to ignore! I close my eyes and continue to step. I might be the odd one, but in my heart, I know I am stepping the right path. I might end up dying alone without having anyone next to me, but at least I know I will live a happy life bringing happiness to people. I stop hoping there will be someone out there because I have come to the acceptance that there might be no one at all. Look, I am not depressed, do not misunderstand! I accept it already and I am happier than ever. I accept that friendship can be broken and nothing is forever. No one will step with you until the end, only yourself and your own soul.

May life give me a chance to become a doctor soon, so I can help more people around me, don’t ask me why doctor? I just know it is the right path for me, right from inside my heart.

10:48pm Easter Monday 17/04//17

love-2

I yearn for a love story

Where it will be my story,

Not someone else’s

And the endless nights

Of crying in loneliness

Will ends…

 

I yearn for a warm hand

That I can hold, in winter,

Twining fingers over fingers

Then I look up to that face

and smile

Not looking at others

And bitterly smile,

And holding my own two hands together…

 

I yearn for a warm body

The one to call mine

And he calls mine his

When we woke up

Within the morning coffee smokes,

He hugs me from behind, and gently

Bite my ears and smell my hair

Not empty sheets…

 

I yearn for a smile

That would brighten up my days.

Greets me when I come home everyday

Threading my fingers through his hair

Touching his lips, that causes a smile

And the warm, caring eye gleams,

Not the fake smile I got,

After a one-night-stand…

 

Why do you scared

Of someone who will love you?

Why do you scared

Of attachment and string?

Why do you scared

Of races and skin colours?

And why do you scared

To bare your heart?

 

Have you lost faith in Love already?

Have you lost faith in Life already?

Have you lost faith in Honesty?

Have you lost it all already?

 

I don’t know if that day would come

But I will bare my soul

How many times more do my bleeding heart

Will be offered and thrown down to earth

I pick it up, wipe the dust,

And place it back in my chest, scarred

But I won’t be scared,

(Like the rest of you)

I will stay truly and faithfully

Not faking my feeling

And waiting for you one day, hopefully…

 

 

 

 

 

IMG_2408.JPG.jpeg

I will make this blog about my Mom. In fact, I will let her write it because she is such an amazing woman in my life. She is studying English in USA and I cannot say how much I am proud of her right now! Her English has improved so much and her presentation actually brings tears to my eyes.

This is her final presentation of her last term. She chose to speak about her life in Vietnam during wartime. So here goes… a mini autobiography of a Vietnamese women during wartime:

 Do you see my hair is becoming white? I think I ‘ve gone through life enough to tell you my story. Do you willing to hear?
I was born in North Vn in the wartime. The war was fought against the domination of French. My mother gave birth to me while my family was evacuating from the war zone. When I was 6 years old, the war ended with the Geneva treaty , but my country has been divided into 2 parts . The North belonged to the Communists and the South was a free country. More than one millions southerners fled to the South Vn including my family.
After a few years of peace, the Communists in the North lauched a new war against the South . That was an ideological war in order to put all the country under communism.
We were in war again. My family lived in SAIGON , the capital of the South Vn . At first , I hadn’t be influenced much by the war , then the war escalated gradually . I could hear the sounds of the shells ,of the jet fighters in the night. I could see the military vehicles went through the city and the signal flares brightened on the sky at night. I could feel the astmosphere of war around.
At this time , I continued my study in the University. During that time , I was falling in love with a medical student that I met at the library for more than 3 years, and we got married after my graduation.
My husband was a military doctor ,who was assigned to the 22 nd division in Central Vn  and I rarely saw him. At the same time , his brother and my two brothers were mobilized into the army ,too.
From those time on ,I really felt the fierceness of war. I always lived in fear and anxiety with my newborn daughter. I didn’t want to be a widow , but human life was nothing in war. Who knew what would happen?
Luckily , 4 years later, my husband was transferred to the hospital in Hoi An city. It’s a small city on the coast in Central Vn.
I moved to Hoi An with my two kids and the 3rd was on the way.
In Hoi An I could hear the sounds of gunfire and shells everyday around the city.
At the end of March ,1975 ,the Viet cong soldiers invaded many cities of highland and of Central Vn. There was a huge avacuation of people and military from Central to South Vn . I saw the endless lines of vehicles and people had been packed on the main road to the South Vn . The crowed people tried to climb onto the ship from their small boats. It was the chaos I had never imagined before. My husband and I lost each other on the way to the South until we were in SAIGON . We lost all our property.
All terrible sights that we witnessed made us not dare to flee the country on the last day April 30 ,1975 . We regretted it later.
After the occupation of Communists , South vn was totally up side down. The society was in turmoil.I never forget the feeling of sadness , of fear ,of pain ,and of disappointment  . All the military officers and the government high ranking officers including my husband were put in the “re-education camps” all over the country. We lost all our money after the first money change .There were no trading ,no market ,no store , no restaurant , everything were under the control of the government ,the so call ” people committee ” . They sold food to each family based on the number of person in the family. People didn’t know how to earn their living. How could I survive? Even if I still worked at the University of pharmacy. The small salary was not enough to feed my kids. I had no new from my husband. I was in the worst mental and physical situation. Thanks to our siblings abroad who sent me money to raise our kids
After nearly 3 years in prison ,my husband was released. Because the shortage of skilled professionals, the government released  all doctors , pharmacists ,dentists ,teachers ,engineers to use them. My husband was assigned to the children ‘s hospital in Saigon . We lived in the difficult situation until the government applied the ” open door” policy . Life got a little better.
The more I lived under Communist regime ,the more I understood about Communists. I realized that the reality of Communism is not as good as its theory.
We worried about the political program of education which applied in schools. I dreamed that my children could live in freedom, could have a good education , could become the good people . And thanks to the helps of ours siblings , my dream came true. My children , one by one lelf the country , we were the last one.
Now , I stand here and I accept this land is my second homeland. I believe that people have their own destiny ,the life of a person goes up and down depending on the fate of his country , just like a feather that is blown by the wind.

… and that’s my Mom everyone! Thanks for reading 🙂

 

large

I have been reaching for emptiness, for a world that is not mine. My time is running out and I have not been able to achieve what I wanted to be. I have been wasting time on pointless goals and fooling marks. Now I have realised no matter how hard I try, the results have already been set.

I will give myself a time frame to think but I suddenly realise my mind have shifted and I am scared. Scared of this decision that I might make. A colleague at work told me:”You gotta sacrifice something man”. It’s true, maybe it’s time to sacrifice that thing so I can fully pursue what I always wanted. His words are like an ultra-sharp knife that cut right through my dream balloons. These balloons need to be broken so I can actually turn my dreams into reality one day.

One week from now on, I will have the answer for myself, and I will decide what I want to be. I give myself one week to think about it and make this big decision. Time is running out, I need to wake up and serve the right purpose of life.

One week and counting…

NEWS + ANNOUNCEMENTS:

*NEW MONTHLY BLOG UPDATE: The blog for December 2013 New Year Eve has been published:
-Title: Decembre'13 - Step forward with courage and wisdom
(With the new crest for 2014!!!)

September 2017
M T W T F S S
« Jul    
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930  

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 369 other followers

Follow NeverGiveUp_Boy's Blog on WordPress.com

Blog Stats

  • 15,547 hits

Follow me on Instagram!

There was an error retrieving images from Instagram. An attempt will be remade in a few minutes.

Follow me on Facebook!