Archive for October 2019
October’19 – Parents and us
Posted on: October 20, 2019
I can’ sleep. More like I cannot go back to sleep. I woke up at 1AM and I am on holidays. The jet lag is wearing off because I arrived at my parents house only yesterday.
I am afraid to wake up at this hour because of the quietness that surrounds me. Moreover, it is because of the feeling of this quiet hours. I lay in the dark room could not sleep because I feel emotional and sad. Hence, I decided to get up briefly to write a blog, this blog. It helps to pour out and I hope to share my feelings with many people around the world who probably share the same feeling: The afraid of feeling time slipping through your fingers.
I love my parents a lot. I love them so much that I cannot describe by words. I will reach 30 next year and it is considered the age of matureness of a person (generally). No more bubbly thinkings and it is like the burden of being an adult just being turned on another notch. It comes with a lot of expectations, from others, but also from yourself for yourself. I realise, again and again, that my parents are getting old and there is no way I can slow it down.
The first thing I do when I got on my Mom’s car when she picked me up at the airport is I sit next to my Dad on the back seat. I hug and squeeze him and kissed him on his temple, trying to take in his familiar aroma that I have smelled since I was a kid. I realised how skinny he is and his hair has turned white totally and thin out.
Then the next day when I sit next to my Mom, I saw the dry brittle skin on her forearms. “Put more moisturiser on your skin every day Mom. Your arms look so dry” – I said. I touched her arms and gently felt the dry skin while she was concentrating driving. Her arms also look thinner.
I can only see them once a year. The rest is facetime, voice call and facebook. I can say I understand some of my friends moving away to be closer to their parents. They probably realising the same thing, the feeling of trying to picking up the sand of time, but it keep pouring down between our fingers and slip away. It is the sad feeling that we realise our parents only going to get weaker day by day and no matter how much you try to force them to eat more, they will eat less, illnesses will eventually have it ways with them, it will be harder to recover from injuries, from diseases.
Telling our parents to eat more and exercise more, is probably only a way to (subconsciously) reassure ourselves that we have done our parts, but for our parents, they know they cannot eat more themselves. It is like at the end of a parabolic curve, where they have passed the peak and now is going downhill.
I am scared. Even though I know it is the circle of life.
I am scared that their years are now start to be counted and it is not quite sure if they will be there for another 10 years, the same amount of time that was just went by within a blink of an eye if you look back at your life. I talked to them gently now, even though sometimes I still get a bit annoyed with my parents, but I think I am very lucky in life to be able to think straight at my age and realise my parents are just getting older and I need to support and help them more.
I am writing this blog as I hear my Dad snoring lightly in the next room. He left his door open slightly.
If I could be awake to help them sleep I would. If I could sacrifice some of my years for some of their years I would.
I like holidays, but hate it at the same time. Because below the happy surface, I am a sensitive person and I have these fears creeping under my skin every night. I know we should live in the moment and enjoy our time while we can. But it could not be helped when we keep thinking back about our good memories we have had in the past and wish we have more of those and wish we have more time. I guess we are just greedy, even in love. We want more time to love, but sad when we realise time does not permit.
I know there are many of my friends who feel the same. I just write these feeling down because this is the way for me to let it out and feel more peace inside. I guess in life we need more than just our own family, we need to create little pockets of closed friends, who we can come to to share our feelings and feel that someone else is feeling the same things, so when we don’t have our family with us anymore, we still have friends who can pull us along life and pick us up.
Life is a long road, and our family can only walk with us for a part of it. Treasure that part, but understand, one day that part will end, and we need to continue to walk alone. Hence, creating our own families from friends are important as well, so we can continue to walk this long journey with happiness.
I love you Mom and Dad.
(1:46am 20/10/2019)
Stay happy! – October’19
Posted on: October 4, 2019
Recently I’ve been asked by my friend how do I stay happy all the time? The short answer is: no, I’m not always happy and not always cheerful if that what you see through my social media, it does not reflect 100% of who I am. (We all know the effect of social media right?)
However, one thing has changed in me in recent years as I grow older is I have learned to control my emotion and choose where I focus in life to stay happier most of the time. When I have a down time, I quickly find ways to distract myself and lift myself up again
1.JOBS:
– Our jobs play a very big role of our lives, for the obvious reasons. We work 8-12 hours a day with our jobs. Hence, it is necessary to find a way to love our jobs, even if we hate the majority of it. In my personal opinion, when you are in a job, you need to see if the part that make you upset daily can be justified and balance out by the part that you love in your job. If the love part is smaller than the hate part, it is time to find a new job.
-You have absolutely no obligation to have to stay in a job forever despite that fact that you hate it every day. The assessment process does take time, and a lot to consider, by no mean it is a matter of quitting and get out. However, if you have been at a job for long time and still kind of hate it everyday, then it is time to assess it, and move on if needed.
-I find that my view for life lifts up since I find my current job 3 years ago. It is the best job I have so far in my profession. I loved it back then and still love it now. I find that it makes me enjoy my day and does not mess up my mood every day. I still want to talk to my friends or family members after work, not just wanting to shut down and slump into the couch doing nothing. I still have the energy to go to gym after work. If you are in the same situation, you are probably doing well with your job.
2.ATTITUDE:
-Our attitude towards events in our lives decide if we are happy or not. I try to keep my optimistic attitude up all the time. Nonetheless, there will be time when life just got me and I get really down. Growing older and learn to accept that we simply cannot always get what we want in life is a good thing to have in our attitude. And this extends and applies to EVERYTHING, from materialistic objects to goals to marriage to romance.
-Here’s a side story: I used to be a guy who longs for romance for several years. I was never happy when I see people holding hands or guys who I like never likes me back . If you ask my closed friends or if you know me, you probably know this period of my life was really bad. I was in my early twenties and yearning for love and boyfriends. I feel lonely all the time and I cry at night very often to relieve this tension and frustration.
-Dating apps is just… well dating apps! It is an imaginary world where most people with the wrong attitude who can’t exert it our publicly will go there and do it. Here, if you choose this playground, you need the right attitude. Talk to them nicely first, but if someone are rude to you, feel free to block them, or stop the convo. Protect your mind, be aware of crazy people, and don’t be upset by someone you don’t know. It just simple not worth your time.
-Choose the right thing and right time to care about what others think about you. Don’t neglect it altogether, but there are certain times to care about other’s opinion and there are times when you just have to say no, this is what I’m gonna do and I don’t care what others think because this is who I am.
-What happened next? Well, it comes with age. I then realized after several dates that it is not easy to find a guy who match with you. Moreover, I start to realize the other way around, there are good guys who like me but I don’t like them back, simply because they are not my taste. I then learn to accept this fact and move on from the craziness of being frustration. I now learn to control my emotion and hold back a lot when I see a guy I like. I learn to NOT invest in them too much at the start. It turns out, as I expect, I am very picky and I have not met anyone that match my taste and expectation so far. But I also learn another thing: it is ok to stay single! Whatever comes will come, and it is out of my control to push it or rush it. I am happy again.
3.SAVINGS:
-It is not always true when they say money cannot buy happiness. Money can ‘buy’ happiness, not in the literal sense, but in a indirect way of thinking. When you have money, you feel safe in today’s society and this can lead to a more relaxed mind and you have time to think or do things that make you happy.
-I only start saving recently. I admit I have been spending erratically for the last few years and I have no saving at all. It is the truth and I am not hiding it. Thanks to my big Sister, she forced me to save. I start saving little by little, though still spending here and there. However, through this process, it helps me to learn to control myself when I go shopping. It also helps me to be more cynical when I buy stuffs. I now buy more classic pieces that can last me longer and can go with a lot of different styles and outfit.
-I love clothes and I don’t want to hide it. That will never change. However, learning to save opens up a totally different door to me. I feel happy when I know I’ve made an effort to control myself and I have more money siting in my saving accounts. It is a long process. It is not easy to change your habit overnight. It is good to work towards it though. We are all different, and we can’t expect everyone to be a saver. But we can change ourselves slowly and gradually over time.
4.SOMETHING NEW:
-Why not try something new? Break up your daily routine? Break your weekend habits of sleeping in too late and feel groggy after waking up. You know it is NOT hard! Set your alarm earlier (Yes, alarm on weekend, isn’t that a crazy idea?)
-Now waking up early makes me feel I have control over my life and not letting time slip by through my fingers. Don’t you just hate it when you wake up and half a day has gone and you still feel hangover in bed while looking on facebook you’ve seen your friends have done 2 classes at the gym? Well, WHY NOT BE THAT PERSON? Because I tell you, YOU CAN!
-READ! Read books! Anything that interest you! Even if you never read before, start! It open up a whole new feeling realm. Heard about that book everyone is talking about? Well why not do something you never do before: step into a bookshop and buy it! Or even borrow it from the library! Educate yourself daily, through news (choose the trusting source, not fake news), podcasts and internet, simply just google the thing you always wonder but never actually look up.
-Try something new that you never done before. A painting class, come paint with me! Maybe a walk in the early morning park and smell the dewdrops and grass. Going to the beach on hot days and actually jump into the water, not just sitting looking! Go swimming! Swimming pools are great! I love water around me, it has a great calming effect and stress-relieving. Cook something you never done before, and share it with everyone! Call up your friends, hey I made a massive cake, you want a piece?
5.SHARING IS CARING:
-The attitude I observe here in the western world is the self-centred attitude when people usually think why do I have to do something when they don’t do anything for me before? Well, maybe we need to start the caring first to initiate the chain reaction! (but by all mean if they still be an asshole to you then you can stop it with them though)
-Care for yourself, and your mental health. If you need a break, go have a break, even if that means saying to your friends or family or your boss, I need a few moments alone, please give me a few minutes.
-Stop reading comments on new posts on social media. It is probably the most f**ked up way you can screw up your mood for the day. On there, we already know there are ugly people with horrible attitude commenting. Why do you want to read such provoking things? Save yourself some time and feeling, and go smell some flowers or watch funny cat videos, that would lift your mood! Share some funny videos or funny memes (when appropriate), that would help more people laugh!
-Don’t be stingy with love, be more generous. You have like free love inside all of you, why not give it out! This actually make you and others happier. I love seeing my friends’ reactions when they taste food I cook.
6.EAT SLEEP LOVE REPEAT:
-The last point is important. Don’t be too hard on yourself. There are time and place to be hard on yourself such as at the gym, when you study, in an exam, etc Otherwise, a little of a belly won’t hurt anyone, feel free to eat what you like here and there.
-Putting yourself through the stress of eating something you hate is also make you not happy. Obviously! Be balance, don’t over do, but eat and exercise! This is a way to love yourself.
-Personal hygiene is important. Learn to keep yourself clean, even if that means shower a few times a day. Learn to brush your teeth and FLOSS! For me, bad teeth is a turn off, as well as black between the teeth. Go to dentist and clean your teeth twice a year. Make yourself feel good, and smell good! Quit smoking and have the courage to do it! Go to the gym even it just means you gonna do 20 mins walk on the treadmill and some light weight. Join a class! it is amazing! You might find another soulmate there you never know!
-Sleep enough, don’t overdo! Most people only need 7-8 hours of sleep a day. I always do 6-7 including weekends and I am still alive with all the works I do during my weeks. Once you get into exercise you will find your body have more energy. Once you get into the happy habits your emotion and feeling will change, you will feel good! The start is the hardest part, but I know everyone can do it, it is whether or not they want it bad enough to start or not. It will probably mess up whatever you have been used to from before, but it is for a better future.
-Then repeat! Modify slightly every day, add something new, minus something not work for you. Build up a routine and here’s a weird trick: every time I look myself in the mirror (well at least 3 times a day because I brush my teeth at least 3 times a day), I smile at myself. I really smile, a crazy big smile, not a reluctant one. Smile has been shown to lift the mood of people. Do it!
After all, I hope we all do something new this weekend after reading this. I know I will! Thanks for reading this long blog. I am no mean a life coach or adviser, these all comes from my life experience and I just want to share!
04.10.2019
NeverGiveUp_Boy's Blog 
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