NeverGiveUp_Boy's Blog

When talking about asian parenting methods, smacking and strict will most likely to come up in the conversation. These have become a culture, almost a trademark of asians growing up in Asia as well as most asians who grew up in Western countries. They all share the same traces: highly-achieve expectation from parents, strict and most of all, lack encouragement or appraisals. What we don’t realise is these methods can have a long-lasting effects on the child’s mental health and their perceptions about themselves. Moreover, facing the same thing as an adult is not easier, instead, harder for a person. Ones, especially those who have experienced this parenting methods, might argue that it makes them a better person. However, what they don’t realise it also scar them for life and limit their own capability mentally without them knowing.

Parenting methods such as smacking, belittle and setting high expectation for children can have a long-lasting effect on the child’s mental health. As a kid, I was always scared at school when I got a bad marks. Then it turns into hatred of going to school. I never thought one day I would admit that my parents’ teaching methods back then, though have its own benefits of making me a better person, have left a negative trace in my mind. The most dangerous thing is as kids, we do not manifest our mental health symptoms like adults. Therefore, it is harder to detect. Smacking will make the child scare of their own parents, who they should trust the most. Parents should be a comfort niche for their kids to come to when they have problems, not scare them away. Belittle has another dangerous effect of making the kid lose their self-confidence. There are several cases where asians kids are totally timid and scare to speak up their opinions, despite the fact that they are absolutely brilliant kids! Setting high expectation will mask the child’s own will and put pressure on them at the same time for no benefit. Each of us have our own strength and parents should encourage their kids to be whatever they want to be, as long as it has no negative effect.

Facing these teaching methods as a kids has its own devastating effects but facing it as an adult is even more horrified. As adults, people have extra burden to carry with several daily worries such as jobs, money, children, family, cars, bills, etc Therefore, parents and family should be the safe place for us to come back when we feel defeated. They should really be the place where we can find our strength again to keep stepping forwards. However, with the traditional asian teaching ingrained in mind, several asian parents failed to make their matured children feel belong. Instead, keeping the same brutal way of brushing off weakness, some parents can make their kids feel worthless even in mature age. Sometimes, it is hard to find an encouragement from family that many of us have to lean on friends and outsiders for encouragements or a bit of praise so that we have the strength to keep going. This has devastating effect on the children as they feel distance from their immediate family. Eventually, instead of getting closer as family, parents can drive their kids away.

One might argue that traditional strict parenting ways have made them a better person. However, they might have foreseen the negative effects that it has on their personality. In several cases, we have highly achieved people who hold important positions in society, but are never happy with where they are because they, due to family pressure, have left their childhood dream adrift. There has been cases with teenagers suicide due to family pressure and they feel that they cannot meet the high expectation of their strict parents. There has been a story of a student, after graduating, he came home and give his parents his degree, then walk off to study the field he wants because he feel that he has achieved his parents’ dream, now it is time to go for his. And there has been several cases of people regret that they would have listen to their own heart instead of being forced by their family to do something they don’t want. These are examples of scars that should never been inflicted upon children because as we see, these scars last for their whole lives.

Parents should consider carefully on the way they teach their children. Harsh parenting techniques do have their benefits but they have much more long-lasting disadvantages on the kids. Killing self-confidence, pressuring at young ages, making them feel worthless and most of all, driving them away from family love are among the reasons why parents, especially asian parents, should re-consider their teaching techniques. Children should be encourage to follow their dreams, no matter what. As they grow up, they still need those encouragement and praises from time to time to help them standing up from failures and keep going in life. For all the children out there, keep following your dreams and do whatever makes you happy, whether you are a doctor, a lawyer or a chef and designers. Keep following your dreams, because at the end of the day, you have to live your lives, not your parents’, and you will face your own regret when the time comes. Hence, better do it now than regret later.

EoD came today at around 11am. Again, despite the fact that I have prepared so much for the last year or so, I still failed. On the positive note though, I handled it pretty well, having already prepared to hear the worst news.

Sometimes, it is astounding to think about how life is so different for each of us. While my friend is carefree after graduating uni, building and climbing up in their jobs, saving up, buying houses, getting married, obtaining boyfriends/girlfriends. Yet I am still here chasing a long-distance dream.

It is also surprising how easy life is for some people and how thorny it is for others. By all means, I never claim I had it hard through life as I am still luckier than thousand of others out there. However, it is fair to say my journey of getting into medicine has not been smooth so far, has never been actually. Since 2014, my life has revolving around one GAMSAT after another, about how to study for the next one, met with disappointment after disappointment. To be fair, I was only start being serious about GAMSAT since 2019, the time when I begin to dig deeper into the study, read wilder and be meticulous (though not enough! Let admit it!) about practice questions. I ventured into different groups on social media and forum and found out how competitive it really is, how brutal people are in getting in, and how small I am. I have been hit hard with reality, that I am just an average individual out there, with a lot to improve if I want to compete in this journey.

Why can’t I be happy with who I am and where I am at the moment? We all know the answer to this question: because I know this is what I truly want! I have repeatedly told myself that I know I will regret it if I don’t do this now. I do not want to face the harsh reality of one day when I am old, looking back and feel bitter and regret that I stopped trying. Moreover, because I want to help people more, in ways that my current profession and practice restricts me from doing. It’s simple as that!

Sometimes I laughed at myself about why I am keep trying for this long. Sometimes I feel breathless at night laying in bed just thinking about it as time seeps through my fingers as left my 20s behind. Woking full time and study for GAMSAT is hard! But I think about those who also have kids and family to care about. Yet they got in! Why can’t I? Have I push myself out of my comfort zone enough to achieve better things? Probably not!

We are in the middle of a global crisis and it makes me realize a lot of important things. Saving money is good, it makes us feel secure and grounded. Care for mental health of ourselves and others as well, is good, because it helps everyone in general, and caring for others should be a goal for all of us. Having a few realistic defined goals in life is good, because it prevents us from trailing off track and wandering through life without purposes. Keeping a diary (or a blog) is good because it helps, first with expressing yourselves, and second, with offloading stress (at least for me). Finally, persistence and resilience are good, because it makes the result much more worthwhile and it reinforce our inner strength of never giving up on our dreams! (even though we have not seen it yet)

Again! It is “I failed again” but it can also be “I will try again”! Each failing times can put us off but they can be another stepping stones if we let it be. Finally, knowing our own strength is good, because we then know where our flaws are and concentrate on them. I know this is a long journey, so instead of letting myself down, I know to treat this as a learning step. I did learn a lot on social issues during the past year or so while improving my reading skills.

One day I will get there. I hope and I do believe all of us will get there at the end when the right time comes! Hang in there and keep trying! That means, I’m still in the marathon guys! 🙂 and if this is what you truly want, I’d love you to join me! 🙂