NeverGiveUp_Boy's Blog

I don’t usually revisit this blog, but here I am again. I feel lonely again, not the type of lonely that I need to be with someone, but like the type that I feel like I don’t really belong with anyone, or anywhere.

The only time I feel belong, apart from my family, is when I’m with my 2 best friends from uni, Tu and Quyen. Otherwise, I feel totally lost in this world full of people. I have no gay friends, no one at all. At least no one closed enough for me to hang out anymore. And I do not feel the need to hang out with them anymore. I am so comfortable being alone that the idea of relationship is kind of scare me now.

I will start learning the cello soon, adding another task to my daily and weekly schedule, to try to keep myself busy. Learning a string instrument is another thing that is at the back of my head but I don’t pick it up until now. The reason I learning so much is because this is my nature. I constantly want to be productive and learn new things. It makes me happy and content.

In the past, whenever I listen to music, especially when there is violin or string music playing, I always imagine myself can play the violin. However, as I grow older, I can’t stand the sound of the violin for too long. It is too squeaky and high for my ears. I prefer the mellow sound of the cello better. At the same time, I take up this third instrument because I want to challenge myself as I never play something without frets before. Harp and piano has the notes laid out for me, while the cello is a spectrum of 4 strings and it is a mysterious world that I want to explore.

I am lucky enough to have my colleague at work lending me her dad’s old cello and I have taken it to a cello shop for a tune up before my first lesson this weekend. I am super excited to venture into this uncharted territory and see if I can figure the notes out myself.

I hope that when I am older (if I ever last that long) that I look back, I will be happy with what I have done in my youth right now to not waste my youth and keep learning new things.

I discover Laufey lately and her voice is so soothing for me. I love listening to her or cello solo music at night. It is a nice feeling to sit in a darkened room with my cosy lamps and do my assignments while listening to soothing music. Music is my therapy. I feel extremely happy when I can play a new piece.

That’s it for now. Will see if I need to revisit this blog again soon. Will update on my cello and harp progress. Hopefully by the end of the year I will have a pedal harp in my room 🙂