Is that guy a bad person?

Posted by: Naanny Butterchicken on: January 19, 2022

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I was asked a while ago to write a blog exploring the topic of sex in gay relationship. This is a huge topic and I want to start with something very small: open relationship

I has always been against this idea. The simple reason: I am a jealous person and I thought I won’t be able to stand it if my loved one slept with someone else. However, this year, something totally changed me, or at least I am slowly coming to term of accepting it.

I am dating now and the dating is not exclusively. He is free to still be on dating app. What I learn? It’s not the end of the world! The point is it is all in our head: these rules, these standards, etc that we set up because of whatever background we grew up or taught while we grew up.

If we ask ourselves a serious question: does sleeping with others while dating us make that person a bad person? Well it depends right? It comes down to whether we can accept it or not. But let the feeling aside, use our brains for a minute here, the answer is No. And it is clearly a No in an open relationship as we agree for the other to sleep around. Yes if you are a jealous person and your mind is clouded by feelings, you might perceive he or she is a bad person. But the fact is, it is not! He or she might still care for you, still treat you nicely, doesn’t do anything to harm you, etc so no your date is not a bad person.

So the question is, how do you get over it? Trust me, it takes times. I am in an open/dating relationship at the moment. I know my date sleep with others. However, the jealousy and negative feeling comes from me. He still treats me nicely, invite me over and go out with me. We still enjoy each other company. I have acknowledge that we are still dating and not exclusively. Therefore, the only person needs to grow up and adjust my mindset is me. I beat myself up over something trivial and nonsense. I expect too much and expect him to react the same way, while the reality is, he’s not. The only person who can help me is me.

I have to change my mindset. I have accepted he’s not a bad person, we are just back to the dating stage. We are working on it towards a stronger relationship. Then I have to be more mature and just go with the flow. I have to learn not to be rigid, be more flexible! And do not box any relationship to the stereotype that I created in my mind. Each relationship is different and unique. Whatever happens or come, I have to be flexible enough to adjust to it. If I have decided that person is a good person, I need to follow it without regret.

Love without regret, be flexible! – that’s the best advices I got this year. Because by doing this and stop thinking too much, you lift your own mood, and you will stop analysing too much and unconsciously putting pressure on the other person. When he or she is ready, they will commit to you, you can’t force love, what you can do is, to be yourself and allow others to love you back naturally.

Because no one wants to be around a stressful/depressed lover 🙂

Be flexible! Love yourself and don’t think too much! What hasn’t happen yet, do not worry about it!