NeverGiveUp_Boy's Blog

I am gay, but I don’t feel belong.

This is what I have been realising for the last few months. This is why I always hate to go to party that involve a mass gathering of gay guys in a room. I feel suffocated and uneasy, even with some of my friends around. I am probably the minority odd ones out there that feel like this.

I don’t like drag race. I don’t watch drag show. I don’t enjoy or appreciate any of the current things that the gays usually do (pride march etc). I don’t understand it and just don’t want to understand. Call me ignorant if you want, but I just want to live a quiet life.

I enjoy making music, playing my harp and piano, teaching at the gym, challenging myself with different skills, to study for my master degree, helping people in my pharmacy practice. Except anything that involving showing the world now loud it is to be a gay guy. Gay guy can just live normally quiet too right? Do normal thing, hang out with friends.

Maybe I was never brought up to be loud. Blending in the background is always the safe option and only stand out if you are truly exceptional at something, and not trying to just shout out and see how loud you can get. Honestly, if you are truly exceptional, you automatically standing out from the bunch, even when you dress in all black and hide your face. That is what I am aiming for.

People will know of me for my music, my skill and my inspiration. I am gay sure, but I don’t enjoying wearing rainbows, carrying hand-fans at pride march or watching drag show. I am a quiet gay guy who just want to live a normal life and just don’t enjoy any of the now-trending so-called gay culture activities of showing off bodies and wearing short shorts.

I just want to be normal